Goodbye Means See You Later...

I never thought about not growing up... though I foolishly believed in all of those fairytale stories and the happily ever after endings.  No one ever tells you that time will go by so fast you don't even realize it until it's gone, or that you will have to say goodbye to more people than you want to let go of and lose.

I've thought a lot about the idea that absence makes the heart grow fonder, so if goodbye simply meant "see you later" then I was able to find some strength and courage in myself...and had faith in the thought that goodbye wasn't forever.

I had to learn about life and death, heartache and pain at such a young age.

My grandma went into the hospital, and when she fell into a coma we knew it was going to happen.  After I lost her I told my mother, straight from the heart of a seven-year-old: "by the time you get old, they will have invented a pill for you to live forever" because then the most important person in my life would always be there for me.

A few years later, my grandpa died... and in my heart I believe he died of loneliness.  Although I knew he would be alone a lot, and regardless of all the many hours I spent with him because my grandma was gone... he knew, and I knew that something, or rather someone was missing.  It was the first true evidence I had witnessed to someone dying of loneliness.  

But death isn't something we can control...life runs its course, and death inevitably follows.  No matter how afraid, or hurt, or sad we become, our strength and courage must overcome that.  And although we find it difficult to accept that someone's life has been lived, we do find comfort in knowing they won't feel anymore pain.  They won't feel anymore heartache or worry and for a reason we can't ever think of, they were meant to go.  And my comfort is in knowing my grandparents are together again and neither of them have to be alone.

I always said, if only I could've said goodbye...  But the truth is that we never want to say goodbye.  We want one more moment, one more breath, just one more hug...the touch of their hand and the sound of their laughter.

Time is the most precious gift we can give each other...

And it isn't about letting go of the people they were or the memories I made with them...

And just like a dear friend one said: goodbye can still mean, see you later.