Blogging my footprint

Five years ago, if I had looked ahead to today I definitely would not have thought I would be where I am.  And I remember five years ago... I had flown myself to England on British Airways and journeyed through the best three months of picture taking, researching, traveling, singing, laughing, cocktailing... and planned every part of my life out... getting my MA in Boston, living with and marrying (what I thought was) the love of my life, and growing my own roots as I write and publish stories I longed to have on pages in a book on a shelf in a book store with a publisher's mark on the inside of the first page.

I was so naive that I couldn't recognize the signs that were right in front of me telling me that this was not the path that was meant for me.  I didn't have a choice but to join the work zone: three piece suits, stockings, pumps...the whole shabang.  And working day-in and day-out with the same eight people led me to the realization that I hated being bolted to a desk.  Retail management was calling my name.

This was just after I had broken off my relationship of four and a half years, and instead of blaming myself and throwing myself into a pit of depression, regret, and remorse, I knew that I needed to fill my time and energy with something better.  And what better to fill all that time with than surrounding myself with people?  Nine times out of ten, when someone smiles at you the immediate thoughtless reaction is to smile back, and that's exactly the medicine I needed.

The mystery and adventure of retail is that I never know what I am going to get myself into, with every customer complaint, issue, resolution...fulfilling every duty, completing every task on the list that only grows even as I check them off in order of priority.  A department store is an animal in its own retail species, and any time of year there is so much hustle and bustle, but the holiday season is so incredibly insane--not just for one day, although that one day, just after thanksgiving, is a day to grit my teeth and bear it.  I escaped that jungle a year ago, and although I am still in retail management I have the time and energy to read, write, imagine, create, discover and document my journey through life.  I have the time to stop and smell the roses, if you will.

Of course, with help and support along the way has helped me move slowly in the right direction.  Regardless of all of the setbacks or hindering that stood in my way, I managed to move past all of the bad and allow myself to change and grow through my bumpy journey.

You see, five years ago, and the journey through those five years I felt like I was never going to get my chance, my break, to give the time I needed to be able to give to my writing.  And as I lost touch with myself, I starting thinking what a failure I had become.  I wasn't simply procrastinating, I actually started believing I couldn't write anymore with the personal style, flare, and hoohaa that I grew while in college. 

And here I sit, writing and illustrating my book, enjoying life's challenges, and blogging my footprint into the world.